Chapter Eighty-Eight: No Regrets, No Resentment (Part One)

Who is it?

It’s me, Xiaozhu. Today is Women’s Day, and the company has the day off. I came to see you.

Su Fang opened the door and smiled faintly at her. Come in.

Xiaozhu was Su Fang’s closest companion from her nursing school days; the two had always shared a deep bond. After graduation, Xiaozhu had not become a nurse. Instead, she was hired by a real estate company to handle second-hand homes and the leasing of company properties. The one-bedroom apartment where Su Fang now lived had been found for her by Xiaozhu.

After setting down her bag, Xiaozhu placed a lovely bouquet of roses in a vase. Then she turned and gently touched Su Fang’s seven-months-pregnant belly. Is the little one being naughty?

He’s always kicking me, Su Fang said softly, taking Xiaozhu’s hand and leading her to the sofa. She brushed the long hair from her eyes and asked, Did you pay my phone bill for me?

Xiaozhu looked at her belly and shook her head. I paid it long ago. Sister Fang, you’ve truly had a hard time. Even I’ve been frightened on your behalf, helping you keep it from your father and not saying a word, and you still won’t tell me who that hateful man is. Sigh—this really isn’t a way to go on. In two or three more months the child will be born; what then? You can’t keep it hidden forever.

Su Fang offered her an apologetic smile. I’m sorry, Xiaozhu. I keep making you worry about me. I’m fine now, really. When the baby’s father returns someday, I’ll tell him that it was my best friend who helped us through our darkest time. He’ll be very, very grateful to you.

What do I want with his gratitude? If I ever saw him, I’d kick him to death! Xiaozhu was tall, fiery, and a little boyish in her manner. Su Fang’s words only stirred up the resentment and indignation she had long held down.

She pushed aside her short hair and complained loudly, Sister Fang, why are you protecting that selfish man so much? Who on earth is he? Since you became pregnant, has he come to see you even once? Last November, when you fled home alone for your father’s reputation, did he give you even a little comfort? Before Spring Festival, when you were nearly five months along and still killing yourself working overtime at the mall, hauling goods until you collapsed and nearly miscarried, where was he then? For more than five months you’ve lived in that dark, damp communal yard, with cockroaches and mosquitoes for company every day—why didn’t he send you a single cent? If you hadn’t called me before you fainted last month, maybe you wouldn’t even be alive now! And still you defend him. Who is he, that he deserves this from you?

Please don’t say that. Xiaozhu, I beg you. Large tears rolled down Su Fang’s pale, slightly swollen pretty face. She covered her face and cried for a long while before finally lifting her head with determination. He is the most honest and kindhearted man under heaven. I don’t regret loving him at all, and I don’t regret carrying his child. I know that his disappearance, his not coming back, all of it is not his fault. From the news I’ve received over these months, I am even more certain that he is the man most worthy of my love. Xiaozhu, don’t force me to tell you who he is, all right? One day you’ll meet him. When that day comes, you absolutely won’t curse him or hate him the way you do now. You’ll admire him just as I do. You will. I know you will.

Xiaozhu was both heartbroken and angry. She pulled over a small stool and sat in front of Su Fang, lifting her swollen legs from the pregnancy and massaging them gently. Sister Fang, I don’t want to speak badly of anyone, but you’re suffering too much. Look at yourself now: you were such a beautiful woman, and now you’re swollen like this. Who would recognize you as the campus beauty if you walked out the door? I’m worried. Sigh—at noon your uncle came looking for me, and I lied that you’d gone to Guangzhou to study and wouldn’t be back for half a month. Seeing the lonely look on the old man’s face as he pretended to be understanding made me feel awful. I know he is truly worried about you.

Su Fang’s tears fell again. After a long while, choking with pain, she said, I’ve let my father down. My mother died young; I’ve relied on my father all these years. He has always praised me, said I was sensible, said that in all this time I’d never done anything to make him angry. He was so proud. But… but I only did one thing… and now he worries so much about me… sob…

Xiaozhu, too, began to cry. She held Su Fang, who was sobbing uncontrollably, and tried to console her through her grief. Sister Fang, Sister Fang, please don’t cry, all right? I won’t ask who that bastard is anymore, all right? Don’t cry. For the baby’s sake, you can’t be too upset, do you understand?

Mm… I won’t cry. Su Fang lifted her head and used a small handkerchief, already soaked through, to wipe her tears. She sniffled hard, her nose full of tears, and squeezed Xiaozhu’s hand as she forced a smile. Go wash your face. You still have to go out this afternoon. Get up.

Xiaozhu wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes and looked at Su Fang. I’m not going. That sort of event is the same every year. I came straight over after lunch with my colleagues. You rest for a bit; I’ll go make you some meat porridge. If that won’t do, in a few days I’ll move in with you. If anything happens at night, at least there’ll be someone to look after you.

Thank you, Xiaozhu. No need to make porridge—I just ate noodles.

Su Fang took Xiaozhu’s hand and drew her to sit beside her. She picked up a bank card from the small tea table and handed it over. Withdraw some money when you have time. I know your company’s rules: the rent for the next quarter has to be paid before the fifteenth of March. I’ve already stayed here a month for nothing; I can’t keep making things difficult for you.

Xiaozhu snatched the card from her hand and tossed it back onto the tea table. I already paid for half a year. The three or four thousand left on that card—you keep it for having the baby for that bastard! Oh, right, I forgot to ask when you came back from your checkup the day before yesterday: did the doctor say it’s a boy or a girl?

A boy.

Su Fang smiled sweetly. At that moment, the summer breeze stirred the window, and a wash of sunlight reflected inward, falling behind the side of her smiling face. It made her whole being seem utterly pure and full of compassion, and the happiness and contentment of motherhood bloomed on Su Fang’s calm face. For an instant, Xiaozhu was left staring in a daze.

After a while, as the light drifted away with the wind, Xiaozhu shook her head and sighed. Sister Fang, just now you were so beautiful. How should I put it? Not your usual kind of beauty, but a beauty I can’t quite describe—the kind our teacher talked about, the loveliest beauty of a woman about to become a mother. Only now do I understand what she meant by beautiful. If I ever end up pregnant and can be as beautiful as you, I’ll be completely satisfied.

Silly girl, what nonsense are you saying? I look in the mirror every day, and my face and legs are swollen beyond recognition. How could it be as you say? By the way, why haven’t I heard you mention Xiaowen lately? Has he gone on another business trip?

Xiaozhu shook her head. Don’t mention him. I just broke up with him. Men are all the same—no matter how attentive and refined they seem at first, how they rush about for you and flatter you, once they get you into bed, their purpose is achieved. Seeing his true face now, I really regret it. Sigh! Sister Fang, don’t think I’m only angry because I’m cursing that man of yours, the one I still don’t even know is, but sometimes I do wonder: if a man can make a woman give him everything, endure hardship for him, even toil like an ox or a horse without regret, then such a man must be very special and very charming, right, Sister Fang?

Su Fang nodded gently, a smile of longing and fulfillment appearing on her face. Yes. He is very charming, and very handsome. I know there are hundreds and thousands of women who are infatuated with him, but that’s not the only reason I love him. He has an upright and brave heart, the wisdom of a true man, and an indomitable will. He is so kind and forgiving to everyone. Even when I first gave myself to him, he was tender, careful, and considerate. It was because of that that I have no regrets. Even if I truly had to die for him, I would be willing.

Xiaozhu was moved beyond words. After a while, she murmured, Good heavens, does such a person really exist? Who is he?

He is Kan—

The moment Su Fang spoke the surname, she caught herself. Blushing, she hurriedly complained to Xiaozhu, who was staring fixedly at her, Look at you... you wretched girl, trying to trick me into saying it again. When did you become so sly?

Xiaozhu was deeply disappointed. Su Fang’s pause at the crucial moment filled her with regret. She glared at Su Fang and said dismissively, I don’t care to hear it anyway! That heartless, despicable fellow of yours isn’t even worth me seeing once! Hmph! And after all your praise, I still don’t believe he can compare with Doctor Kang Ning, the most handsome man in the whole academy and in our nursing school, as everyone knows!

Su Fang stared at her with her mouth open, her heart hammering foolishly.

What a pity. It’s hard to see Doctor Kang these days. Xiaozhu clasped her hands behind her back and paced once around the narrow living room before hurrying back to Su Fang’s side and sitting down. I know something. Last time I went to dinner with our boss, I heard him say at the table that Doctor Kang had been wronged. It’s a shame the one who framed him has too much influence; it won’t be easy for him to make a comeback. Sigh—if only I could spend my life with Doctor Kang. I’d even run away with him to the ends of the earth. No, no! Even one day by his side would be enough for me to be satisfied!

When Xiaozhu finished and saw that Su Fang was staring at her without answering, she plopped down beside her. What? Do you like Doctor Kang too? Oh! I remember now. During our internship, there was one night when he gave you a ride home after your shift. You told me he was just going the same way, and I even asked why he would happen to be going the same way with you instead of me, the campus beauty. The girls in our class envied you for a long time. So, do you like our Doctor Kang too? Tell me, how does that hateful man of yours compare with Doctor Kang?

Su Fang smiled like an innocent child. He’s just as good as Doctor Kang!

Xiaozhu burst out laughing as if hearing a beggar claim to be a billionaire. She picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Sister Fang, are you pining so hard for that heartless scoundrel that you’ve gone mad? Compare him with the idol in our hearts? Not a chance! Heh, don’t daydream about it either. I’m going to buy vegetables and a couple cartons of milk. Stay home and wait for me like a good girl!

Su Fang looked at the door after Xiaozhu had closed it, then lowered her head and gently stroked the high curve of her belly, murmuring with happiness and contentment, Son, did you hear what Aunt Xiaozhu said? Your father is the best, the very best man in all the world. Mother is so happy, so proud, just like you...