Chapter 110: Let's Break Up

What is the true essence of agony? Some say it is a pain that seeps into the marrow, driving a person to the brink of madness; others describe it as the degradation of human dignity and self-loathing, or the distortion and perversion of one’s character. For Xiao Lin, however, this pain was a suffocating sensation, a crushing weight that left him unable to draw a full breath. The guilt of betraying Wang Yuqing and the moral burden imposed by Ma Yunrou caused his inner world to collapse entirely.

For an entire day, Xiao Lin sat motionless on the sofa, his eyes hollow and his features gaunt, stripped of his usual vitality and spirit. Anyone who saw him now would have cried out in shock: "My God, is this really that bright, talented, and spirited young man?" In a mere twenty-four hours, Xiao Lin had transformed from a handsome youth into a broken wanderer. Suddenly, he rose to his feet. A wave of weakness and dizziness made him sway unsteadily, but he forced his stiff body to move toward his parents' bedroom. He opened a drawer and found his father’s cigarettes. With trembling fingers, he pulled one out and slowly placed it between his lips.

As he lit the cigarette and took a deep, harsh drag, the acrid smoke made him cough violently. It was his first time smoking. Many women dislike men who smoke, unaware that there is often a reason behind the habit. Just like Xiao Lin, he coughed with every inhalation, the exhaled smoke a testament to the agony within. Smoking, much like drinking, served as a potent anesthetic for his suffering.

With every cigarette he finished, his pain only deepened. A fierce struggle raged within him. Xiao Lin loved Wang Yuqing—a love that reached deep into his bones. Were it not for the events of the previous night, he would never have seen Ma Yunrou again. But what was done could not be undone. He had failed Yuqing, and he was no longer worthy of her love. After a long silence, Xiao Lin finally reached a decision.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, his hand shaking as he swiped the screen. He found Ma Yunrou’s name in his contacts and pressed the call button.

"Hello. It’s Xiao Lin. I will take responsibility for what happened. From today on, you are my girlfriend." Each word felt as if it were being carved into his heart, drawing blood with every syllable.

"Oh, Xiao Lin, I will..." Ma Yunrou was overjoyed, but before she could finish, Xiao Lin hung up. She did not care. Her joy did not stem from having Xiao Lin back; she was thrilled because she had finally completed the task Lin Yuemei had assigned her, and the money was hers. With that thought, she could not wait to call Uncle Xiang to share the good news.

Upon receiving the news, Uncle Xiang immediately reported it to Lin Yuemei. After hearing it, Lin Yuemei told him only this: "It is not enough. Have her break that boy's heart completely."

After hanging up on Ma Yunrou, Xiao Lin found Wang Yuqing’s number. Yet, his fingers refused to press the button. He laughed at himself bitterly—what could he say? Should he tell her he had lost control while drunk and beg for her forgiveness? Even if Wang Yuqing were willing to forgive him, he could never forgive himself for the mistake he had committed. In the end, he could not bring himself to call. Instead, he sent her a message.

"Yuqing, I am sorry. I am no longer worthy of your love. Please, do not ask for the reason. Just remember that you must be happy in the future. You must be happy." It took him an entire hour to type those few lines. They drained the last of his strength. As he pressed send, he knew that the lovely, beautiful girl was no longer a part of his life.

Xiao Lin could no longer describe what he felt; he could not even tell if his heart was still beating. Thinking of Wang Yuqing’s sweet face and the memories of their happiness, tears welled in his eyes. As he stumbled back toward his bedroom, his legs gave way. Darkness swallowed his vision, and he collapsed to the floor. An entire day without food, combined with the crushing weight of his inner pain—even an iron man would have crumbled under such pressure.

At that moment, Wang Yuqing, who was visiting her grandmother, saw the message. At first, she thought Xiao Lin was joking, but as she read it over and over, her anxiety grew. She tried calling him, but Xiao Lin was already unconscious and could not hear the phone. She dialed repeatedly, only to be met with the automated message that the subscriber was unavailable.

Panic set in. She could not understand what had happened; just two days ago, everything had been fine. "No, I have to go back to Donghai. I have to find him and ask him what is going on." Distraught, she told her mother and grandmother that she had an urgent matter to attend to and rushed to the bus station. Her mother was left bewildered, unable to even get a word in before her daughter vanished. Her grandmother lived in a small county town; Wang Yuqing hailed a taxi to the station and boarded the first bus back to Donghai.

Throughout the journey, she was a nervous wreck. To her, Xiao Lin was her entire world. If he were to disappear, she could not imagine what would become of her. After a two-hour ride, she arrived in Donghai and immediately took another taxi to Xiao Lin’s apartment complex.

Once there, she sprinted up three flights of stairs, too breathless to pause before banging on his door. No sound came from within. Desperate, she paced back and forth, certain that something had happened to him. Just as she was at her wit's end, she remembered Xiao Lin mentioning that he often forgot his keys, so his mother kept a spare hidden on the doorframe. She reached up and felt around; sure enough, she found the key. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, immediately noticing a pile of cigarette butts scattered on the floor. A cold dread washed over her—Xiao Lin had never smoked.

"Xiao Lin? Are you there? Xiao Lin?" She called out, but there was no reply. Seeing one of the bedroom doors ajar, she hurried inside. There, she found Xiao Lin lying on the floor, his phone still clutched in his hand, the message he had sent to her still displayed on the screen. His room was in disarray, the bedsheets tangled. Suddenly, a red stain on the bedcover caught her eye. Her body swayed, and she knelt to check on him, fearing his old injuries had flared up. After a careful check, she found no wounds, but seeing his pale, haggard face, she did not hesitate. She knelt down, hoisted him onto her back, and began the descent down the stairs.

While unconscious, Xiao Lin dreamt of a long, beautiful life—of marrying Wang Yuqing, raising children, and growing old together.

Finally, he slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Wang Yuqing’s face.

"I must be dreaming. How could Yuqing be here?" he muttered to himself.

"Xiao Lin, you’re awake! What on earth happened to you? The doctor said it was severe exhaustion leading to anemia and fainting. What is going on?" Wang Yuqing, who had been resting her chin on her hand as she watched over him, asked with deep concern.

"Ah, Yuqing, is it really you? I... am I in the hospital?" Xiao Lin asked, stunned by her presence and the clinical surroundings.

"Yes. I saw your message and rushed back from my grandmother’s house. I found you unconscious in your bedroom, carried you down, and took a taxi here."

"You carried me downstairs?" Xiao Lin gasped. He looked at her slender frame, unable to fathom how she had managed to carry him.

"Xiao Lin, that text message... were you just joking?" she asked, clinging to a thread of hope.

At the mention of the message, Xiao Lin’s expression hardened. He looked at her with profound guilt. "Yuqing, I’m sorry. We should... we should just break up. I..." He stuttered, his voice choking with emotion until he could no longer speak.

"What? Break up? Why? Xiao Lin... please, tell me why. If I did something wrong, tell me, I’ll change! Please, don't leave me!" As soon as the words left his lips, Wang Yuqing burst into tears, the sorrow flowing down her beautiful face, marking the tragedy of their love.

Watching her cry, Xiao Lin wanted to strike himself, but he forced himself to endure the agony and turned his face away. "Yuqing, it is all my fault. I am sorry. I am not worthy of you. You have always been perfect, you have always been wonderful."

"No, no! I don't want to leave you! Don't... Xiao Lin, please..." Wang Yuqing grabbed his hand in a panic; she could not lose him.

Xiao Lin hardened his heart. "Wang Yuqing, I said it is over. I don't expect us to be friends. I only ask that you never appear before me again." Xiao Lin, as you said those words, did your heart not ache? The answer was yes—it was a pain that pierced to the very marrow.

Hearing those words, Wang Yuqing felt her world crumble; everything spun around her. She did not know how she managed to walk out of the hospital in such a daze; she only knew that the boy she loved most had left her. As she left, she did not notice that behind her, Xiao Lin’s eyes were blood-red from the strain of his suppressed agony.

He loved her so deeply, but the deeper his love, the less he could forgive himself for his mistake. His philosophy was that a person must take responsibility for their own transgressions. What he did not know was that while he believed he was doing what was best for her, he was actually inflicting a cruelty he could not yet comprehend. It would not be until much later that Xiao Lin realized just how deeply he had wounded Wang Yuqing.