Chapter 19: Darling, Let's Go Home

Le Ning was right.

Xia An remembered that in his previous life, Chi Ao certainly hadn't managed to uphold the word "forever." Last time, Xia An hadn't even attended this graduation banquet. Chi Ao, who had gone to Renmin University of China for his studies, visited Donghai University once during the National Day holiday. Le Ning had dragged Xia An along to treat him to a meal, and after that, he never came back. Over the years, Xia An heard rumors that Chi Ao had dated three girlfriends in college, all of whom held Beijing household registrations. However, the Golf he had driven to the capital never stood out.

After graduation, Chi Ao married the daughter of a local wealthy businessman in Dongshan. Later on, his father’s construction company was implicated in the collapse of the Tang Group. They went bankrupt, and the family fortune dwindled. Chi Ao’s marriage didn't last long. Skilled only in playing instruments, he opened a studio to teach students while moonlighting at gigs to make a living. For Le Ning’s concerts, when they needed extra musicians at three hundred yuan per show, Xia An had his logistics team offer Chi Ao five hundred. The latter followed the tour through the three Northeastern provinces, and the earnings were decent. When they settled the final payment, Chi Ao shook Xia An’s hands with both of his, but he dared not cast another glance at Le Ning.

Memories are but dust, the past is beyond counting. Life is vast and deep; it is nothing more than this.

...

The classmates were speechless. Le Ning’s words had been far too explosive. They looked at the calm and composed Xia An, feeling a deep sense of indignation—both for Le Ning and for Chi Ao.

*Shouldn't you make a statement? You man who just ate her abalone!*

For a brief moment, they even hoped Chi Ao would keep pressing the attack. But Chi Ao did not. He took a long, deep breath and stood up with a bitter smile.

"Xia An, show some respect. After all, today is..."

Before he could finish, Xia An immediately picked up his glass. While pouring the liquor, he said, "Chi Ao, congratulations on getting into a good university. Cherish it well; your future is boundless."

The liquid flowed down the side of the glass, smooth and high, without a single bubble. Xia An handed it over. "Care for a drink?"

Chi Ao nodded.

*Wait, is it really this harmonious between you two?* The classmates were a bit dissatisfied. This wasn't the plot from those passionate youth dramas! Shouldn't they be grabbing each other’s hair, kicking each other’s groins, cursing each other’s ancestors, and brawling? And shouldn't Le Ning be covering her mouth, weeping, "Stop fighting, please stop fighting"?

The next second, Chi Ao found an empty glass on the table, unscrewed a bottle of Fenjiu, and filled it for himself.

The classmates whispered to themselves: *Whoa! Here it comes!* They were anticipating a conflict. Instead, Chi Ao said to Xia An, "This isn't a provocation. My feelings for Le Ning cannot be contained by beer."

Xia An’s eyelids twitched—not out of fear. This wasn't a small two-ounce glass; it was a four-ounce stemmed glass! In his previous life, he could hold his liquor, but his current physique hadn't been trained for this yet.

Chi Ao’s bitter smile vanished; it seemed that the words he had just spoken had dispelled all his obsessions. To let go of attachment is to be completely at ease. Most of the crowd let out a sigh. No one noticed that Niu Fangfang, sitting in the corner, had eyes that were shining as she watched Chi Ao.

Chi Ao smiled appropriately. "My family can't afford Wuliangye or Moutai, but this Fenjiu is good. I didn't buy it from the hotel, so it’s authentic. Try it."

Xia An smiled. Returning to this age where youth was in full bloom, he felt deeply moved to see Chi Ao, who had learned so early the truth that "if you aren't in her heart, no amount of bravery on my part will be of any use." Understanding the profound mysteries of romantic relationships a little earlier is, after all, more beneficial than harmful to a teenager’s physical and mental health and career development.

The year 2006 was still the tail end of an era where highly educated individuals could change their fate through hard work. Cause and effect reversed—this was rebirth. With the eyes of a middle-aged soul in a youthful prime, Xia An wished Chi Ao well. *I hope that… the next time you cry, it won't be because of a woman.* He understood that Chi Ao’s ruthlessness stemmed from the lovesickness of youth; even in his foolishness, he was endearing.

"Fine, today is your big day. I'll keep you company."

The spirit of youth is something that, if you don't indulge in it now, you won't have the chance to in a few years. Xia An didn't recklessly try to act cool by chugging the beer; instead, he reached for Le Ning’s empty glass. Just as he was about to pour the white liquor, his hand was caught by a small, delicate hand.

Le Ning spoke, cautioning both Xia An and Chi Ao. "How can you drink like this?"

The center of the incident had spoken. Xia An looked at Chi Ao. Chi Ao remained persistent. Xia An gently patted the back of Le Ning’s hand. "Why don't you drink for me?"

*—Ugh! You shameless man!* That was the collective thought of the classmates.

Le Ning just glared at him in silence, not pulling her hand away. Xia An said, "He said beer isn't good enough for you, and I think he's right."

Le Ning withdrew her hand. With a *clink*, both tall boys began to pour the liquor down their throats.

Xia An almost choked. The Chinese people love alcohol, but in several thousand years of history, yellow wine had always been the mainstream. Why? It was simple: white liquor just didn't taste good.

As soon as Xia An sat down, he felt dizzy. Le Ning kept piling food into his plate. Her voice was cold, yet full of concern: "When my dad drinks, he always uses food to settle it."

Xia An braced his knees with his hands, his throat and stomach burning. His vision began to blur.

...

Chi Ao, whether it was a sudden surge of tolerance or a natural ability to drink, poured another full glass of white liquor and called out to the group: "Come on, cheers to us! Cheers to our youth!"

Full of spirit! Everyone stood up and poured their drinks. Filled to the brim, they downed it all.

The glass Le Ning held was a cartoon thermos she had quietly pulled out of her canvas bag. Xia An smelled the scent of jujubes and, with drunken, hazy eyes, teased her: "What? Is it that time of the month?"

"Yes," Le Ning nodded faintly.

Xia An finished his glass of beer and laughed: "Then why did you wash your hair and take a shower this morning?"

Le Ning served herself a bowl of hot soup and then served one for Xia An. Amidst the rowdy shouting, she said to him: "I’m going to Shanghai for training in a few days, followed by exams. We won't be able to see each other during the break. I didn't want to see you looking messy today. I bought that dress specifically to wear for you."

Nearby, the classmates who had developed empathy for Chi Ao finished their plotting and came over to surround Xia An. Regardless of anything else, their old classmate was graduating; you couldn't refuse a drink, right?

"I saw it. It’s super beautiful," Xia An whispered to Le Ning, and then downed his drink. Afterward, no matter how Le Ning tried to stop him, he just laughed and accepted every challenge. Le Ning got angry and stopped trying.

Xia An didn't know when he had gotten drunk. He sat there like a doll, his eyes unfocused, but his expression was smiling. It was the classic look of someone who had hit their limit. In the hall, the adults who weren't close had long since departed. Those who were familiar, those who needed to use this to smooth over relationships, or those who were family, were all gathered in their own groups, laughing and talking. No one paid attention to this group of kids at the back.

The mediocre speakers played the most popular songs of the moment. After "A Thousand Years Later" finished, it started playing "I Don't Want to Grow Up."

*—I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to grow up.*
*—Once I grow up, there will be no more fairy tales in the world.*
*—Once I grow up, I will lose him.*
*—The him I love deeply, the him who loves me deeply.*
*—Has already changed into someone who doesn't look like him.*

Xia An muttered that this song was good, bobbing his head and humming the tune that flew into the sky. Le Ning handed him warm water, and he drank. Half of it flowed down the corner of his mouth as he drank. Le Ning handed him a tissue, and he wiped it.

Niu Fangfang, who had finished four or five bottles, smiled and said to Le Ning, "I’ve never seen Xia An act this obedient."

Le Ning didn't speak. Niu Fangfang asked her, "What’s wrong with him?"

Le Ning said, "I don't know."

Another classmate came to find Xia An, draping an arm around his neck and laughing: "Good lad! You’re finally out of commission? You even hit me back in the first year of high school, remember? Come on, finish this glass, and let’s settle our grievances! Hahaha!"

Xia An laughed and said "okay," though he could barely lift his arm, swaying as he searched for his glass. Le Ning whispered, "Don't drink anymore."

The boy, drunk and muddled, blurted out, "Why not drink? Men’s business, women shouldn't interfere."

Le Ning looked at him and said loudly, "Don't force him to drink. I’ll drink."

*—Alright!* The crowd waited expectantly.

Xia An stood up abruptly, swaying as he blocked her. "Don't mess around, it’s such a good day, I should be the one to drink."

"What does someone else’s graduation banquet have to do with you?" Le Ning asked.

But Xia An couldn't hear clearly. In his eyes, how was this a graduation banquet? How was this the midsummer of 2006? This was clearly the summer solstice of 2019. This was clearly his and Le Ning’s engagement party.

...

That day in 2019, the cicadas hummed in the height of summer. Knowing that the couple loved shellfish, Xia An had instructed the restaurant in advance to prepare a table of fresh seafood, along with various nuts. The wine, whether red or white, was vintage and worthy of being a collection.

Le Ning’s father scanned the luxurious business suite and asked Xia An why he hadn't bought a house yet. He said he rarely stayed in one place for long, and it was more convenient to stay in hotels. He remembered the look in the eyes of Le Ning’s parents at that moment—a blend of the kindness and heartache peculiar to elders. It was as if they were saying, *children without parents are like this. They don't know how to take care of themselves. What looks like a carefree, go-with-the-flow attitude is actually a bird with no feet, unable to land.*

Le Ning’s father lowered his eyes and said, "Once you’re married, you’ll have a home."

Le Ning’s mother peeled a large shrimp and, instead of giving it to her daughter beside her, stood up and handed it to Xia An across the table. "I heard from Ningning that when she was touring everywhere, she stayed in this hotel under your name. Seeing it today, it really is clean and high-class."

Le Ning’s father said, "You manage such a large business alone, and Ningning is always flying around for performances. How about this? You’re both tired enough; we’ll prepare the bridal home."

"It was my oversight," Xia An said. "Let Le Ning choose; as long as she likes it, it’s fine."

Le Ning’s mother said, "Little Xia, we won't even mention the dowry. You and Ningning were classmates in high school; your uncle and aunt are well aware of your family situation. We’ll handle the wedding. Don't worry, we know you have many business associates, and we guarantee we won't let you lose face."

Xia An’s answer at the time was: "I promised to give Le Ning an unforgettable wedding; it should be me who does it."

Le Ning’s parents were very satisfied. There was nothing more to say. As a son-in-law, he was good-looking and wealthy. Although he had lost his family due to an accident, leading to a somewhat cold personality, he had known their daughter since childhood, and they knew his background; his character was guaranteed, and there was truly nothing to pick at.

Le Ning’s father raised his glass: "Blessings to you both."

Throughout the entire process, Le Ning remained smiling and didn't interrupt. She looked sideways at the easel on the balcony. The warm sun fell on the canvas, forming spots of blinding light. Her mother, returning from the restroom, walked over there to catch her breath, took a few looks, and laughed: "I just remembered that Little Xia studied painting; you haven't given it up after all these years? Look how well this pear is painted."

After hearing this, Le Ning said, "It’s right not to give it up, but this isn't a pear; it’s a pomelo."

At that time, Xia An watched all of this. After the meal, he saw Le Ning’s family off under the Chinese tallow tree at the hotel entrance.

...

At the entrance of all 91 "Pomelo Hotels" under his name across the country, there was a Chinese tallow tree. In autumn, the trees turned brilliant colors, like exploding fireworks, attracting many young people to come and take photos.

Xia An remembered that year, that time, he and Le Ning were married. As one of the small investors behind the entertainment industry, their wedding, attended by the musician Le Ning, was graced by many popular stars. Headlines, large and small, were known throughout the country; it could not be described as anything less than grand.

Three days after returning from their honeymoon, Le Ning dragged him to watch a movie. Afterward, she bought ingredients and cooked a meal for him by hand. After the meal, the last autumn rain of 2019 fell from the sky. Le Ning nestled in his arms, watching the gloomy sea outside the villa. She raised her head, her face blooming like a flower as she told him:

"When I was little, I always wondered when I could marry you. I waited and waited, filled with expectation and sadness. The journey of love is full of wind and rain; actually, I’m not a very strong person. Sometimes I couldn't sleep all night because of you, having strange thoughts, trying to fathom your love, but then instantly denying it. Later, I started thinking, if we are destined to have no fate, then I must dress myself up beautifully on the day I decide to leave you. I must also spray a little perfume, and spend one last full day with you. In the morning, I want to go shopping with you and watch another movie. In the afternoon, I’ll go home and cook your favorite things. When it gets dark, it’s time for the curtain to fall. I want to say goodbye to you with a smile and offer my blessings. Only then can it be considered a period; otherwise, it would be as disgusting as not flushing the toilet after using it."

She looked at the dark blue sky and said, "Xia An, let’s get a divorce."

If it had been any other man, he might have been furious, as if he had heard something outrageous. But Xia An remembered that at that moment, he just followed her gaze and looked into the distance. He nodded faintly and said, "Okay."

"Xia An, I wish you well. I wish that you never forget her. You still don't understand at your age, but most people will always end up sleeping with someone they don't love and spending their whole lives together. Perhaps I will still be myself. Perhaps I will live with someone I don't love. But you, you are destined to be lonely forever."

Xia An said, "Okay."

Le Ning reached out in his arms and stroked his face. "Xia An, if I didn't love you, I wouldn't have divorced you. Is it true that only by becoming a regret can one be unforgettable?"

...

At the time of the divorce, Xia An divided half of his fixed assets and all his cash with Le Ning. The two hugged and said goodbye at the entrance of the law firm. After she stepped over a puddle full of fallen leaves by the sidewalk, she never appeared again.

...

That winter was exceptionally long. Almost every industry collapsed during that three-year-long harsh winter. At the beginning of 2024, the hotels, cinema chains, and shopping malls under his name were all sold off, and his investment company went bankrupt.

In the bustling banquet hall, Xia An felt as if he had returned to that down-and-out little motel. His old friend Lu Fei found him and handed him the bank card that Le Ning had entrusted him to pass on.

"Le Ning has moved abroad to settle down alone. Before she left, she helped you find Zuo You. Xia An, as a brother, I hope you can get better, but judging from what Le Ning said, Zuo You is clearly hiding from you, so why bother..."

After settling his debts, Xia An bought a used car. Then, carrying thousands of hand-painted little pomelos, he traveled four thousand eight hundred kilometers toward the Daliang Mountains.

...

Zhuangzi dreamt of a butterfly; the butterfly dreamt of Zhuangzi.

The heavily intoxicated Xia An shuttled repeatedly between the two timelines. By the time the dump truck appeared, he had already finished five more glasses of liquor. He couldn't stand up. He couldn't open his eyes. But following Le Ning’s unique scent, he instinctively grasped that hand.

"Wife, I’m drunk, let’s go home."

The scene fell into a sudden silence. Zhou Bichang was singing:

*—I see the sky is very blue,*
*—Just like the warmth of you by my side.*
*—Life has too many regrets,*
*—The more one grows, the more lonely one feels.*
*...*
*—Love is always the long string in your hand.*

For the first time in two lifetimes, Xia An heard Le Ning’s sobs.