Chapter 18: Xia An! On What Grounds Do You Dare!!!

By all rights, Chi Ao should have been utterly embarrassed at this moment.

But he wasn’t.

He completely disregarded any shame or loss of face.

An unprecedented ache filled every corner of his mind.

During the summer vacation after entering the first year of high school, he had joined the youth palace wind ensemble for the first time, only to have his gaze entirely captivated by the girl tucked away in the corner.

They ended up in the same class in high school.

He played the clarinet, she the flute.

From the age of sixteen, Chi Ao harbored feelings for her for three years.

Once a timid boy, he gradually grew bolder, just to catch her attention.

Across the entire hall, Chi Ao looked at Le Ning, who stood bathed in another beam of light.

Le Ning didn’t like him—he had always known—but he didn’t mind.

He used to think there was plenty of time ahead; they would see each other every day, wouldn’t they?

Sharing a space no larger than a few dozen square meters every day had made him mistakenly believe the distance between their hearts was shrinking as well.

Today ended, and tomorrow they would meet again.

If she didn’t like him today, maybe tomorrow or the day after she would.

But not now.

That classroom had vanished forever.

He would never know where Le Ning would be on this earth tomorrow, the day after, or any day thereafter.

And in the future, another man would hold her hand, pull her close.

One day, she would be beneath someone else, yielding with grace.

She would wear a diamond ring gifted by another, become someone’s wife, mother to someone else’s child.

But…

I swore in my heart we would grow old together.

Heartbreak.

Suffocation.

An indescribable, overwhelming fear surged within him.

Chi Ao stood frozen on the stage and cried.

From a distance, Xia An’s smile never wavered.

He guessed what Chi Ao was thinking.

But the beauty of youth, the reason it lingers so vividly in memory, is because the purest and best things are often out of reach.

Isn’t that so?

Chi Ao shifted his gaze slightly, looking at Xia An and asking Le Ning:

“You, actually, you’ve always liked…”

Before he could finish, Chi Ao’s mother rushed onto the stage, snatched the microphone from his hand.

She gently patted his head, tears welling at the corners of her eyes from worry.

“Come down, my dear son. You’re grown now. You must behave like an adult and entertain your classmates properly.”

Then, lifting the microphone, she addressed the audience:

“We’ve all been that age, haven’t we? Everyone, enjoy your meal and drinks.”

Just children.

In the adult world, matters of love and affection barely weigh enough to collapse a single bed.

The adults below laughed heartily, and the interlude passed.

No cliché scene where parents confront the protagonist for bullying their son unfolded.

Everyone is the protagonist of their own world.

In Le Ning’s heart, Chi Ao couldn’t compare to Xia An; he was merely a background figure, a marginal presence during those three years in class.

Yet, undeniably, he was the pride of his parents.

However, the two tables of classmates, full of youthful vigor, with love occupying over ninety percent of their thoughts, fell silent.

They shared a deep empathy with Chi Ao.

Secretly, each stole glances at the unspoken longing and unrequited affection sitting in different seats.

As if at this moment of parting, trying desperately to capture the image of the other in their minds.

It wasn’t until Niu Fangfang gave Le Ning a thumbs-up and said “Awesome” that the chatter resumed, lively and distracted onto other topics.

Le Ning asked Xia An, “Are we leaving?”

To openly embarrass the protagonist, to slap him in the face—that would unsettle any other high schooler.

But Xia An just smiled and shook his head.

“Refusal is the most effective way to solve problems. You did very well.”

Le Ning returned the smile, “In that regard, you did better than me.”

Xia An was momentarily stunned.

Le Ning no longer looked at him, brushing back her hair and quietly nibbling on some vegetables.

Her profile hadn’t changed much in eighteen years.

Sharp and elegant strokes, naturally beautiful.

Her nose was straight, lips pink, biting on a fiber-rich celery stalk.

She said she wouldn’t look at him, but still slipped a piece of abalone onto Xia An’s plate.

“This is good stuff. You eat.”

Seeing Xia An say it was fresh, she picked some from her own plate and offered it to him.

“You can have some of mine too.”

“…”

Chi Ao returned after washing his face.

His expression was a forced smile, subtle enough to require a careful look to discern.

Seeing him head straight for Xia An, Wu Jin tactfully shifted his seat, making room for Chi Ao beside him.

Afraid they might fight, Wu Jin awkwardly changed the subject, pulling out a greeting card.

“This is from Xia An and me. Wishing you all the best.”

Chi Ao took it, glanced inside, pocketed it, and thanked Wu Jin.

He nodded at Xia An.

Finally, he pressed his lips tightly and looked toward Le Ning:

“I won’t cause trouble, but I still want to know—have you always liked Xia An, right?”

Silence fell again.

What a scene, what a spectacle.

Today’s meal was well worth it.

Even the students at the next table turned to watch.

They saw Xia An chewing on Le Ning’s abalone without a flicker of emotion.

So convincingly cold!

Then they watched Le Ning put down her chopsticks, nodding faintly at Chi Ao, emotionless as well.

They truly were a perfect match!

“Yes.”

Le Ning tilted her head.

“Everyone has known for years that I like Xia An. Why didn’t you know?”

—Hiss.

The classmates gasped.

School beauty, Chi Ao likes you.

He likes you.

He didn’t know?

He was just brainwashing himself, unwilling to believe it.

Why do you speak of it as if it were the most natural thing in the world?

A beauty with a cold heart.

Everyone’s hearts chilled.

All eyes returned to Xia An’s face.

Handsome, yes, but why so indifferent?

And damn it, isn’t that Le Ning’s abalone you’re eating endless amounts of?

Only Chi Ao still stared at Le Ning.

In his eyes, the white moonlight filter had faded.

Still beautiful.

So lovely—more beautiful as a “dead” white moonlight.

“But he clearly doesn’t like you,” Chi Ao said.

“Does he?” Le Ning tilted her head, looking at Xia An with a faint doubt.

Xia An swallowed what was in his mouth, about to speak.

But Le Ning didn’t give him the chance.

She nodded at Chi Ao.

“Maybe. Being too passionate is often unappreciated—that’s a truth.

“But I still have time. Four years in university, and after that…”

She paused.

“After four years, if he still doesn’t like me, I’ll try to move to the city where he lives, stay nearby.

“I’ll contact him regularly, have a meal, meet up—even if just as old classmates catching up.”

Ignoring the dozens of wide, startled eyes, Le Ning continued:

“Then, when I’m older, if he still doesn’t like me…

“I’ll find a chance to get him drunk, give him all my firsts, and then disappear.

“Marry someone I don’t love, sleep with him, and grow old.”

Xia An!

How dare you!!!

This was no mere shock; shock couldn’t describe it.

Everyone swallowed hard.

A cold sensation fell from their throats into a black hole in their stomachs, draining all warmth.

A chill settled on their heads.

Only Xia An gazed at Le Ning’s profile with admiration.

He heard those familiar words.

Le Ning said to Chi Ao:

“Chi Ao, most people spend their lives with someone they don’t love. You’ll come to know this.”

Chi Ao first found it unbelievable, then made a last effort.

He stammered, “If… I could be like you, forever waiting for you…”

Le Ning interrupted him, offering a smile he had never seen before—one meant only for him over all these years.

“I don’t believe it, because you don’t have my determination.

“Forever is an adverb of degree, not of time.

“A month from now, you’ll meet someone better at school. Maybe she’s not as pretty as me, but you’ll like her anyway.

“That’s biology; your will cannot change it.”

Xia An knew.

Those words were not meant for Chi Ao—they were meant for him.

She was telling him, see, Xia An, I have conquered the hormones of youth.

I have chosen you and will remain loyal.

Until my vitality can no longer uphold the faith in love alone, until I can no longer survive on my own, then I will return home.

Xia An knew even more clearly.

In the future, she would succeed.

Because she was Le Ning, a heroine who had loved walking the path of resistance since childhood.

Those who have guarded the border know what loneliness and helplessness that entails.

This time, Xia An fully recalled the three hurried scenes of engagement, wedding, and separation in 2019.